Hiccup Gal
by AR Studios
Summary: Eri has the hiccups, so Tarma wants to help her out. Read about the chaos that happens.


_**So I decided to make yet another fanfiction. **_._**I hope you all like this one! Please like it!**_

_**And I don't own any of the Metal Slug series characters, they are owned by SNK Playmore. So enjoy!**_

Fio sat there, with Eri sitting on the other side of the table, with a camera in her hands. In Fio's hand was a spoonful of cinnamon. That's right- Eri had forced Fio to take the cinnamon challenge! Marco and Tarma were sitting on chairs some feet away from the table. They both had tense looks on their faces. "Eri, you do know that the cinnamon challenge has its risks?" Marco asked. "I know," Eri replied, smiling, "but this is what I do to people who ruin my birthday party."

Several hours ago, a huge birthday party had been thrown for Eri. Drinks everywhere, people talking, Eri causing someone to receive medical treatment due to swinging a bat while trying to smash the piñata. And last but not the least, the huge birthday cake shaped like the SPARROWS logo and had "Happy Birthday Eri!" written on it. Eri was about to blow out the candles (come on woman! We're dying from the tension!) when the cake blew up (BUT IT WAS A CHOCOLATE CAKE! WHY?! WHHHHHHHHHHYYY?!") Eri looked around and saw Fio laughing, and she had a remote in her hand. "Fio, goddamn it!" Eri caught Fio in just 3 seconds.

Right now… Fio was nervous. There were many hazards in the cinnamon challenge. "Come on Fio," Eri said with a smirk, "We're waiting." Fio decided to bail. When a thought struck her. _Fio Germi! You're letting a spoonful of powder defeat you?! You've fought hordes of soldiers, mummies, mutated soldiers, Martians, giant crabs, zombies, yetis, man-eating plants, flying piranhas, giant bugs, and Venusians! You can beat them all, so you can beat this challenge!_ "I can do it!" Fio cried, and put the spoonful of powder in her mouth.

**10 split seconds later…**

Fio spat the powder out of the mouth and ran around the room, screaming, "It's hot, it's hot, it's INSANELY hot!" and she ran out of the room and straight towards the kitchen. Over there, she pushed a chef aside and pulled a bottle of cold water out of the freezer. She then drank the whole bottle, but the burning sensation didn't go away. Eri, Marco and Tarma had followed her and kept on laughing at Fio's serious (but hilarious to watch her running around screaming!) situation, although Marco felt bad for her.

Eri laughed the hardest of all. "Ah yes, sweet cold revenge," she said, and pulled out a bottle of vodka from the nearest fridge. Ah yes. Nothing better than your favorite alcoholic drink, right? She than drank her drink quietly; while Fio screamed her head off for more water. Eri could not resist the urge for laughter. So she put down her bottle and laughed.

And hiccupped.

**The next day**

Lunch was not the same as everyday. Fio had accidentally hurt the chef yesterday (she pushed him to get water for her burning mouth) and he undeniably made the best food for the soldiers. So a replacement was brought, but God knows what he put into his food, because the food looks normal, but tastes HORRIBLE. In fact, don't ask me why some of the food looked a little mutilated.

Even worse, some soldiers refused the new chef's cooking, since they were ADDICTED to the previous chef's cooking, so General Blackout ordered rations for them. The main problem was that most of these rations were expired. When Marco sat down to eat his rations of chicken, he read the back label and found out that his chicken had expired 5 YEARS ago. But there were posters that threatened the soldiers if they didn't eat; a motivational poster that showed a soldier's skeleton, and written below: "FOOD. You just had to go without it." And a card from Metal Slug Advance, showing Canned Food, had been pasted in a place where everyone could see it, and it clearly said, "No food, No fight!"

Marco glumly looked at his expired chicken. Tarma came and sat with him on the same table; with his tray filled with Japanese cuisine (Tarma's Japanese after all).

"You gonna have to eat that," Tarma told Marco, but Marco shrugged. "Dude, this chicken is 5 YEARS old! You actually expect me to eat it?" "Then what are you gonna do with it?" Fio said, and, with her tray of what could have been pasta, seated herself on the other side of the table. "Gonna throw it in the trash can?" Trevor Spacey said and seated himself right next to Fio, "You do realize they'll fine you for that?" "I know I know!" Marco shot back rudely.

Nadia then came and seated herself on Fio's right side. Trevor tried to hide his face from her, especially after what happened in the end of the fanfiction, 'The Robot Conspiracy.' "Don't worry, I'll eat it!" Nadia chirruped. "She'll eat anything," Marco thought gloomily. Nadia had an eating disorder; she would always eat a lot more than she needed to. But she remained thin due to the heavy exercise the Regular Army provided (which is why she joined in the first place).

Tarma noticed that Eri wasn't around. "Where's Eri?" Tarma asked. Fio gave him a dirty look and said, "She's in the SPARROWS quarters and refuses to come out." Tarma thought maybe mentioning Eri's name in front of Fio after what Eri did to Fio yesterday wasn't a good idea. "Yeah I'll be back," Tarma said, and quickly left. Trevor then picked up a fried salmon from Tarma's tray and said, "I always wanted to try Japanese cuisine." He had no idea that the chef had been replaced, so when he bit into the fried salmon, he gagged (the fried salmon tasted like ear wax), and began to choke, and Marco had to pull off the Heimlich maneuver on him.

**SPARROWS Quarters**

Tarma opened the door, and looked inside. Eri lay on her bunk bed, with her pillow covering her face. Tarma slowly closed the door, and heard what sounded like the squeaking of a mouse. He then walked up to Eri. She heard his footsteps and removed the pillow from her face. "Oh, hey Tarma…" she said with a really dull voice. And then she hiccupped. Tarma was surprised to hear it. The hiccup sounded like the squeaking of a mouse. "Wow, that's embarrassing…" he said. "Embarrassing? It's *hic* HUMILIATING," Eri corrected him.

Tarma then sat down on the bunk bed, to Eri's discomfort. "Is this why you didn't show up for lunch?" Tarma asked. "Yeah," she said, and hiccupped again. "I can't *hic* go in front of everyone like *hic* this!" Tarma then felt that this was his moment to swoop in and be the hero. "Don't worry," he said comfortingly, "I'll take care of this. I promise." Eri, hiccupping, sat up. "R-really?" she asked. "Yep," he said, and laid his hand on her shoulder, "I know just the person who can help out."

**Doctor's office, hospital wing**

"I can't help you," the doctor said. "What the heck?!" Tarma exclaimed. "Tarma," the doctor explained, "I'm an army doctor. Do you really think that I know how to cure hiccups?" "You have to!" Tarma begged, "I promised her!" "Oh well," the doctor said, "Your funeral then." Tarma then grabbed the doctor by the collar and said menacingly, "Then I'll hammer the nails into your coffin first if you don't help me out pal." And showed the doctor a hammer which he had been clutching in his hand (hidden from view) all the time for such an occasion.

The doctor didn't want it to develop into a fistfight, since he wouldn't stand a chance against Tarma. So he said, "Wait," and then checked his computer and took some printouts. Tarma saw that the printouts were of a book called 'Fixing non-serious medical issues for doctors with no diplomas.'

**PF Squad lounge **

Tarma flipped through the pages. "Ah here we go," he said, "How to treat hiccups; start with basics, like drinking water or using smelling salts, or biting on lemons and gargling."

Yet, none of these worked. When Tarma gave Eri a glass of water, she hiccupped and the water in her mouth flew into Tarma's face. When he tried using smelling salts, and he put these right in Eri's face, she punched him right on the nose (KO). When Tarma forced her to bite on a lemon, she chased him out of the room with her grenades. And when he told her to gargle water, as bizarre as it sounds, Eri didn't know how to gargle.

So Tarma checked the not-so basic stuff on curing hiccups. It said to pull hard on the tongue of the patient, but he knew Eri would kill him for doing that. So he took another measure; scaring her. As the book said, screams would transmit the hiccups out of the patient. Tarma knew that scaring Eri would be tough. Eri was one of he most fearless soldiers in the whole Regular Army. In fact, lots of Rebel soldiers would flee at the mere sight of her.

So Tarma went into the city and tried to find something so scary, it would cause Eri to scream and take the hiccups out. He checked shop after shop, store after store and mall after mall. It was in one of those malls that he found a costume, so terrifying, so scary, I can't describe it, and even Tarma almost fainted at the sight, while the store owner, who although had seen it about a hundred times, almost suffered a heart attack. So Tarma bought it and hoped his plan would work.

**SPARROWS Lounge**

Eri sat there, watching The Amazing Race, and hiccupping as well. The hiccups were getting a lot more frequent. The door then slowly opened, and she turned her head to see who it was.

There, standing in the hallway, was the scariest ghoul this world has ever seen. In fact, I bet that Freddy Krueger and Chucky would bow down before it. It was the size of the doorway, and it slowly walked towards her. She simply sat there, too afraid at first.

Now before I tell you what happened next, let me tell you that Eri was also known by other soldiers as 'The She Spartan,' (Leonidas would be proud!) due to her fearlessness and merciless attitude.

So it's no wonder why Tarma screamed for mercy while Eri continuously pummeled him for 20 seconds with her tonfas. She then heard his voice, and stopped. The ghoul took off it's head, revealing it was just a costume. Tarma looked at her, and she stared back at his bruised face. And then he dropped unconscious, having received several blows to the head.

**The next day**

Tarma woke up to find himself in a hospital bed. Standing next to him was the doctor, Fio and Marco. "Oh thank god you're alive," Marco sighed, while Fio jumped in the air said, "All right! Tarma's not dead despite the savage beating he received!" The doctor looked surprised and said, "I'm surprised you're still alive and you healed pretty quickly. The type of beating you received was enough to kill anyone." "You forgot," Marco said, and raised his fist in the air (upper cutting the doctor by mistake) and announced, "He's a PF! And PF's don't die! They live to shoot more rebels in the butt!"

"Wait," Tarma interrupted, "Where's Eri?" "She's in the SPARROWS quarters," Fio said, "After she nearly beat you to a pulp yesterday, she felt terrible and totally refuses to come out. So I told Nadia to start delivering food to her. Her hiccups aren't gone though." Tarma quickly jumped out of the bed, and stepping right on the doctor (who was lying on the floor) he dashed out of the room and into the PF Quarters.

Over there he found his medical book and quickly searched for the page that had cures for hiccups. "Here we go," he said, and sat down on his bunk bed. "So just about nothing worked, and I almost died," Tarma summed it up. He checked all of the cures, and there weren't many. But the last one caused him to read it more carefully. A grin and then a smile broke over his face.

Trevor exited the lounge and walked into the quarters, and saw Tarma leave. He then noticed that a book was left lying open. So Trevor checked it out. The page that was open explained the different ways in which hiccups could be cured. Trevor knew Eri had the hiccups, and said, "Poor Tarma, bringing the burden on himself like that. That woman almost killed him yesterday."

He then read the last cure, and his jaw dropped all the way to the floor.

It said that hiccups could be cured by _kissing _the patient.

Trevor was terrified of Eri due to her merciless, ruthless, fearless, and really negative attitude. Her childhood was spent as an orphan, and then as the leader of a street gang, which developed her into the way she is, simply terrifying. And REALLY negative. She was just as old as Trevor, but her incredible skill with explosives made her respected (and feared) by everyone in the base. So it's suicide when you wanna flirt with someone like that. "Oh Tarma, what do you think you're doing?" Trevor thought and dashed into the corridors.

He caught up with Tarma and grabbed him by the shoulders. Tarma turned his head and said, "Hey Trev." "No, no, no, no, no!" Trevor exclaimed, and showed Tarma the book, the page that mentioned hiccup cures, "You are NOT doing that last one! Can you imagine what Eri will do to you?" Tarma said lamely, "She'll, for once, start to like me." "No, she'll INCINERATE you!" Trevor corrected him. "Tarma, you and Marco are really good friends to me. I don't wanna lose either of you! Especially to that she-demon!" "Sorry Trevor," Tarma said, "I promised her." Then Trevor grabbed Tarma's leg and said, "Then I won't let you!" Tarma couldn't move forward or backward, and he couldn't shake Trevor off either. Tarma knew that in a one-on-one, Trevor would win because yet he was young, yet he was the master in the art of kicking. Especially vertical kicks.

"Hey look!" Tarma said, and showed Trevor an I-Pod, "A really expensive gadget!" Trevor then started acting like a dog and grabbed the I-Pod, making little whinny noises while playing with it. Tarma made a run for it, and as soon as Trevor realized what just happened, he stood up, embarrassed, and muttered, "He's gonna die."

**SPARROWS Quarters**

Tarma slowly opened the door, and looked inside. There, just 10 feet away from him, lay Eri, sleeping peacefully on her bunk bed, hiccupping. The hiccupping no longer sounded like the squeaking of a mouse, but something even worse. Have you seen that episode of Tom and Jerry, 'Hiccup Pup,' in which Spike's son, Tyke, has hiccups? Yep, it now sounded exactly like that.

Tarma knew it was his moment.

He slowly walked over to her. She lay there, with sunlight shining on her beautiful face, and her blonde hair. Tarma blushed. He then bent forward, slowly and carefully. His face got closer to hers. Her face got closer to his. They were just about to do it.

When Eri's eyes opened, and gave Tarma the coldest look he had ever received. He screamed and jumped back, stumbling. Eri slowly sat up, like a vampire, and turned towards him and demanded, "What *hic* were you *hic* doing?"

"Oh," Tarma said in a distressed voice, "I was about to… uh…"

"TARMA *hic* ROVING YOU JERK*hic*!" She then pulled out her grenades, and lobbed them at Tarma. Tarma jumped out of the way, and ran towards the SPARROWS lounge door. A Fire Bomb flew above his head and engulfed the door in flames. "You're *hic* not *hic* goin' any*hic*where!" Eri exclaimed.

Tarma then ran around the room, dodging Eri's grenades, Fire Bombs, and Stones (it's also classified as a bomb, but doesn't explode) and when she ran out of stuff to throw, Tarma was covered in dust and scratches, and so was she. Everything in the room had been completely destroyed, burnt, or smashed. "Eri, I can explain!" Tarma tried reasoning, "I read that-" "SHUT THE *hic* UP!" She screamed, and pulled out a tonfa and a hatchet.

"Oh shit!" Tarma exclaimed and dashed for the busted door that led into the hallways. At the end of the corridor, Trevor stood there, listening to all the chaos. "I warned him…" he muttered to himself. Fio then came running towards the quarters. "What's going on?" she said as she passed Trevor, and ran on.

Tarma ran out of the room, with Eri behind him. Tarma dodged Fio, but Eri was not so fast, and she ran into Fio and THEY BOTH…um…I better not tell you….yeeeeeaaaaah…. you can imagine what happened.

Two loud screams echoed throughout the base. Tarma stood there, thunderstruck. He then took off his sunglasses, rubbed his eyes and put them back on. Was he seeing things correctly? Did… did Fio and Eri just…. But they both were _female! _He then walked up to Fio.

Fio kept on spitting and rubbing her face and lips. "I-I- Eri Kasamoto, I can't believe you just did that!" She screamed, "That's something I won't be able to get out of my mind for a really, really long time!" She then saw that Eri stood there. Here face was now really red, and so was her skin. Fire was gushing out of her eyes. In fact, the fire of rage (literal fire) surrounded her. "I-WILL-MAKE-YOU-BOTH-SUFFER!" she said in a completely inhuman tone. Then she cupped her hands, slowly pulled them apart, and Fio and Tarma saw that a fireball like thing was forming in her hands.

"KA-" she recited, "MAY-HA-" Trevor knew what was gonna happen, and barricaded himself in the nearest janitor's closet. Fio and Tarma knew exactly what was gonna happen to them. "MAY-" she kept on, and was about to say the final word, when Tarma shouted, "Eri! You're hiccups!"

The fire surrounded her, and gushing out of her eyes, disappeared. And so did the fireball in her hand. They all just stood there for 15 seconds, but Eri didn't hiccup, not even once. "My… hiccups are gone!" she said, then sat to her knees, and started laughing in joy. Tarma started laughing in joy too (He was only too glad that he wasn't burnt to a crisp) and so did Fio.

When Fio hiccupped.

Tarma and Eri stood there, gaping at her. Eri's hiccups had been transmitted into Fio! 

She then started hiccupping, while Tarma and Eri kept on laughing. "Oh *hic* come on, its not *hic* funny!" Fio spat, and Tarma replied, "Nope, it's hilarious!"

EPILOGUE

Trevor still had himself barricaded in the janitor's closet. He was rather surprised that there was no sound of a powerful explosion. There was then a knock on the door, and Trevor pulled out his AR-10 Rifle and fired 10 rounds of the Heavy Machine Gun.

There was some silence. He then removed the barricades, opened the door, and saw Nadia, eyes closed, sprawled on her back, bleeding.

Trevor had accidentally shot Nadia.

He quickly held her. "Nadia! Say something woman!" Trevor said. "Y-y…" she sputtered, "Your…foot is… on my hand…" Trevor looked down at his feet, and saw his left foot was on Nadia's hand. He quickly apologized and got his foot off her hand. Nadia slowly opened her eyes, and looked Trevor in the face. Then she slapped him.

"YOU JERK! I wanted to apologize for what happened a few days ago, and you do THIS to me?!" She spat. "Now get me to the hospital wing before I bleed to death!"

Trevor grunted, and carrying Nadia in his hands, took her to the hospital wing.

**THE END  
**_**Thanks for reading! **_


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